Happy Labor Day!

It's Labor Day today. I have a "big girl" job, so that means my company pays me to stay home today. It's a rather unusual thing... to have the day off and to be paid for it.
For the past few months, since I ran out of the leave time that I'd had saved up, any days I was not at work, I just didn't get paid for those. FMLA helps me keep my job, since companies don't really like it if you don't work and don't have leave time to compensate.

My boss has been fantastic! He helped me get forms together when I started this mess. He helped me navigate through FMLA forms and requests for emergency leave from my company. Not that any other boss wouldn't have tried to help, but he had some health issues a few years back, including a kidney transplant, so he was very familiar with the particular red tape that comes with a significant health crisis. The first few weeks certainly felt, in my mind, like a crisis. It's starting to feel a lot more manageable now.

Being finished with chemo helped. I'm not as sick all the time. I'm slowing getting my energy back. I'm still not 100% yet, but I'm able to go to work almost every day, excluding infusions every 3 weeks, and half-days when I get injections every 4 weeks. I have scans less frequently, so I'm off for parts of those days too.

I still feel guilty when I'm off work. I know I'm not taking advantage in any way, but I feel guilty not being there. Like I'm leaving my coworkers to pick up my slack. My coworkers have been amazing, though. I'm really lucky to be part of the team that I work with. I mentioned my guilt to one of my coworkers, and she said, "Don't feel guilty. It's not something you can control. We don't expect you to control it. Just take the time you need. Work isn't going anywhere." My boss said almost the same thing, "You don't need to feel guilty. You're here when you can be. You do your job. Relax."

So that's what I'm doing today. I'm relaxing. I'm watching movies on HBO & Netflix. I'm updating this blog. I'm actively NOT feeling guilty for things I can't control. Another lesson learned (or in progress,) courtesy of cancer.