Just Go. And LIVE!

I've been anxiously waiting for today for months. I've been dreading it since I first got my diagnosis. The stress of just waiting for it has been intense, and since I'm pretty stoic and don't like to emote or "share" my feelings, I've just been keeping all my anxiety to myself.

Today was mammogram & surgical consult day, ie: the day I find out how much of my breast I get to keep... I was a wreck all day. But I went to work & went to my appointments like everything was normal. I got both boobs smooshed & went for my follow-up with the surgeon.

My surgeon is a lovely woman, and she's always super sunny. Today was no different, and ordinarily, her disposition would just irritate me, but on her, it's just what I need. She came in to the room, where I'm wearing a too-small smock (with the closure in the front) and proceeded to feel me up and ultrasound my previously smooshed breast. And then she said, "There's not really anything we can take out, so we'll see you in 6 months!!"

Of course, I made her stay & talk it all out for another 15 minutes... We could go in & take some tissue from where the biopsy marker is & test it, but then I'd have to recover, which might set more of my treatment back, & she just  doesn't see the point since there's nothing she can definitively *see* to remove. So, my boob is off the hook for another 6 months.

My reaction, the first one, was to cry... Mostly because I'm just overwhelmed. Right now, an hour and some change later, I'm just a bit numb.

I told my doctor that I feel like I'm just waiting for the proverbial "other shoe" and without skipping a beat, she said, "There is no 'other shoe,' honey. Just go. And LIVE."

Never have I heard more wonderful words!